pointless mind

six things that caught my eyes

It’s been awhile since the last time I went out and took some pics. The problem was.. I had a certain someone who made me fall all over again with photography, he taught me the how to and often gave me some courage to do some portrait photography (I hate making small talk with people I don’t know). Then things went downhill between us and I don’t want to have anything to do with him anymore-so I stopped taking pics and ditched my camera *i’m so sorry ‘nikon bebih’.

Anyhow, after a very long time of ‘merenung’ and ‘mencari jati diri’ I’ve decided to challenge myself to do a personal project based on Tom Ang’s assignments on his book ‘The Complete Photographer’. And guess what the first assignment is? Yup, doing portrait photography. Oh, the irony.

I failed miserably and got these six pics instead.

*tenang, masih ada hari esok.

Syiah Kuala, Lampulo

Do things that make you happy, they say. And so I did.🙂

Lampulo in the afternoon.

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:)

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Yes, it’s not bad to live after all.🙂

a cry for help

Some said ‘to begin healing your wound, the first thing to do is to acknowledge the pain’. Denial or running away from it won’t do you any good, let alone blaming the other party.

You see, pretending that everything’s okay/running away/cutting people outta my life/changing my phone number was my way of dealing with the pain. So at first, I didn’t really get why I always, always face the same love script, different cast problem over and over again-sometimes with additional problems: different religions or can’t move on from their ex.

That is until someone reminded me about karma. In a simple way, karma can be seen as the universe/god’s way of teaching us the lessons that we need to learn.

And obviously, I didn’t really learn enough from my past relationship. Because I tend to run away from it, blaming the other party, and playing the victim role.. when… it really takes two to tango, right?

Something is wrong with me. Something is wrong with the way I was (still am, sih actually) dealing with the pain. And I just can’t take it anymore. It’s so darn exhausted.

Especially when a suicidal thought comes to mind.

So yes, I’m still mad with Mr. Dropped Me Off in Jalan Wastukencana in the Middle of the Night and Didn’t Even Care if I Had to Walk on Foot By Myself; or Mr. Broke Up Over the Phone and Didn’t Have the Courage to Tell It to My Face-Because He Couldn’t Stand to See Me Cry; or Mr. I’m Still Dating My Past, Didn’t Give a F*ck About Your Feeling/Email/SMS, Act As If Everything’s Alright Between Us and Nothing Had Happened/Mattered At All (Hell, I even think that he doesn’t care whether I’m alive or if I was abducted by aliens and found Valhalla). And yes, I’m still mad with Mr. Because We Have Different Religions = We Cannot Have Our Future Together, But I Don’t Wanna Break Up With You Because I Still Love You.

But yeah, every action leads to a reaction. I need to find out what’s wrong with me and fix it. I have to forgive my past, learn how to (fake a) smile, clean up my bad karma, and let go.

And maybe, just maybe, it’s not that bad to live after all.

***

*Terimakasih untuk inspirasi judulnya, Teph :*

Got lots of pic…

Got lots of pictures. But don’t have the will to edit, let alone blog about it. Argggghhhh, kesal.

 

used to

I used to love running errands and having conversation with you.

Ragunan

Lessons learned:

1. Kalau beli aqua mending yang sudah jadi es saja, karena mencairnya relatif cepat tapi dinginnya akan lebih lama.

2. Kalau mau hunting foto nggak usah nyewa sepeda, karena jadi ribet nyari tempat parkir, dan susah nyari momen karena konsen mengayuh sepeda + menghindari pejalan kaki/pesepeda lain.

3. Wajib berkunjung ke Pusat Primata Schmutzer.🙂

4. Jangan pergi sama orang yang keukeuh pingin lihat semua jenis binatang! *side-eyeing DDM*